Getting Over Fear and On with Your Life! - by Chris Widener

Hey Everybody! 

I have worked with thousands of people through the years and written for millions of others, many who have written to me for advice and the like. One of the things that I have found to be common in so many people is fear. Fear is something that cripples people and keeps them from pursuing and reaching their dreams. This does not have to be so! I truly believe that a person does not have to have fear in their life. I can honestly say that I do not have any fear in my life. Now, I am not perfect by any means but fear is not something I have because I have dealt with it.

Getting Over Fear and On with Your Life! 

The main reason I do not have fear is because I have come to grips with the concepts surrounding fear. I have understood fear, primarily from two angles. The first angle is psychologically and the second angle is theologically. You see, I think that if we address the issues of life and the fears we experience from both a good understanding of psychology and theology, then I believe we can be free from fear. 

 

Psychology is the study of the mind and that is where most of our fears take place. Theology is the understanding of God and the world we live in as it relates to God and what takes place in this world. I know from personal experience, that as we settle just a few basic issues, we can be free from fear. A few weeks ago I spoke to a group on fear and here are a few of the insights I gave them on how they can get over their fears and get on with their lives. Look and see how each one of these principles fits either psychology or theology. 

 

Disciplining your thoughts. Fear is an action of the mind. Fear is a use, or better said, misuse, of the imagination. In reality, when you fear something, you are simply choosing to imagine a future happening. You are fearful that your spouse will divorce you (future), or that the snake will bite you (future - it hasn't yet), or that you will lose your job (future - you still have it). So when we fear, we are simply letting our minds imagine a bad future. That is what fear is! Imagining a bad future. So what is the answer? 

 

Well, there are two things you can do. One would be to imagine a good future. The other would be to stop thinking about the future and just take one day at a time. If you are a fearful person, either one of these would be preferable to living in the prison you currently live in. The principle remains true in that we have to discipline our minds and choose not to think about a bad future. We can do that. We can choose our thoughts. It just takes discipline. 

Accepting the realities of life

Much of what people fear are the realities of life. Some may think this cold, but people die, people lose jobs, people choose to do crazy things in relationships etc. There is nothing you can do about that. Period. For example, I know many fearful mothers who won't let their children play in the front yard because they are afraid the kids will get kidnapped. Now, what should they do? Do everything they can to make it safe and then let their kids play in the front yard! Some people are afraid they will go bankrupt or broke and worry endlessly about it. What should they do? Work hard, save, invest and live life. Could someone get kidnapped? Yes. Could you go bankrupt? Yes. These things happen and all you can do is work to make your life what it can be and accept that sometimes things happen, even tragic things. If they happen, you experience the pain and emotion then - there is no sense forcing yourself to experience it before it happens - IF it happens! This is a mental adjustment that we make that enables us to get over fear. 

Give yourself good information

Much of what we fear is irrational and not based on good information. For example, someone afraid of snakes will scream when they see a gardener snake, even though the reality is that there is absolutely nothing that snake can do to them! Take the time to educate yourself about whatever it is you fear and see if that doesn't help you gain the mental edge you need. 

Taking control only of those things you can control

There are things you can control and things you can't. Much of what we fear is out of our hands and we can't control it. You can't control if your spouse leaves you. You can control how you treat your spouse. You can't control a downturn in the economy. You can control whether you save for a rainy day or not. You can't control whether or not you will get a fatal disease. You can control whether you eat right and exercise. You can't control how your kids will turn out. You can control how you raise them, what kind of example you set, and what you teach them. You can't control how others will treat you. You can control how you will treat others. Control what you can control, and let go of the rest. 

Trusting that God is in control, even when it doesn't seem like it

Here is where theology comes in. There is an old theological term called "sovereignty," that basically means, "God is in control of the universe." I believe that. Basic to my understanding of God is that God is in control of the universe (God better be, because I'm certainly not - and wouldn't want to be!). Now there is a fundamental difference between believing that God is in control and trusting that God is at the helm. There is a difference between believing that ultimately God is calling the shots and actually liking the shots that God calls. I think one of the overriding principles of life that we can embrace that will help us overcome fear is that we can relinquish control and trust that someone greater than us is fully aware of what is happening on this earth and in our lives. I for one leave a lot of my fears on this theological hook. 

These are some basic points that I use to shape my heart and mind so that I don't have to spend my life in fear. There are a few others as well, I am sure, and many you probably use yourself, but for now, this should be enough to chew on. Getting over fear is an issue of the mind and the spirit and, believe me, the battle over fear can be won!

Chris Widener 

Posted via email from The Creative Den - Rajesh Hingoranee

Recharging Your Relationships! - by Chris Widener

Recharging Your Relationships! 

Research has proven that those who are happy at home are more productive and less stressful at work. Developing a better relationship with your mate can help you develop a better life and a better business! Here are some thoughts to chew on for developing a strong and healthy relationship with your mate. 

• Listen. Communication is the key to a lasting relationship and listening is the key to communicating. Too often when we are quiet we are not listening, but waiting to speak. Instead of listening to what our mate is saying, and intently trying to understand them, very often we are making mental notes of what we would like to say in response. This is particularly true for us males. We often are trying to find the weakness in our mate's argument, rather than really listening to the words that they're saying and the manner in which they're saying it. Why not take some time this week trying to internalize and understand your mate's words and feelings?
• Schedule a regular time to go out or spend time together. With today's busy lifestyles, it is too easy to put our relationships on the back burner and take them for granted. While we might have every intention of spending regular time with our mate, we often find ourselves driven by a schedule that has us running in every direction and leaving us little time for our most important relationships. Work gets in the way. The kids get in the way. Our hobbies get in the way. We need to realize the value in the importance of that relationship with our mate and its effect on our total life. Then we need to make spending time with our mate a major priority by scheduling a specific time at least each week to get alone together, talk, and simply renew our relationship. Be sure to set some time aside each week to rediscover each other and enjoy your time together. Pencil it into your schedule and don't give up that spot. In fact, it is probably best if you and your mate sit down and decide what night will work each and every week, then put it into your calendar. If someone asks you if you're available at that time, you tell them you already have an appointment. In the long run, that time that you spend with your mate will help you to become more of a success than you could ever mention.
• Consider your mate's interests more important than your own. When each person has decided to give of themselves to the other, you form a reciprocating relationship of love, concern, and devotion. When you come to a place where you disagree or where the two of you have differing opinions, try to get to the point where you can consider what your mate likes as more important then what you would like to do. The simple decision to do this goes a long way toward developing a healthy relationship!
• Learn your mate's love language. There is a lot of talk about love languages. What this is, is that each individual has certain ways they receive love from other people. Some people like to have time spent with them. Others like gifts, small or large. Still others respond best to personal touch. And others appreciate verbal affirmation. Some like be loved by act service. Our tendency is to show love the way that we like to receive love, but what will recharge our relationship fastest is to find out what way our mate likes to receive affirmations of our love. The next time you get a chance to speak to your mate, ask them which of the above ways they like best to receive your demonstration of love. Then make a conscious effort to begin showing your love to them in that manner.
• Do the small things you did when you first fell in love with your mate. Do remember when you were first in love? Remember the small things you did show your love to your mate? But as time went along, you probably began to get weighed down with simply living life and forgot the small things that made the difference in the beginning. Things like a phone call in the middle of the day just to talk or say "I love you," an appreciative note, flowers, gifts, and opening doors. Re-charge your relationship by consciously going back and doing the small things that you did when your love first began to grow.
• Forgive. I've done a lot of work with couples were having troubles, and one of the most common elements I find that is working against the development of their relationship is that they are holding something against the other and they aren't willing to forgive. The fact is that your mate is going to fail you from time to time. We need to understand that. What we do when we get to that point however, is what will make all the difference in the world. In a relationship that is going to last, the people involved are committed to forgiving one another. Those who's relationships last longest, and will be the healthiest, are those who are committed to forgiveness.

I hope these thoughts are helpful to you in recharging your love relationship. I truly believe that if we will put these principles into practice we will see our relationships grow in ways they never have before, and that in turn will make our whole life better. 

Make it a GREAT day!

Chris Widener 

Posted via email from The Creative Den - Rajesh Hingoranee

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